Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Job Hunt


The worst part about being laid off is looking for my next job.  It’s not fun at all.  The unpaid vacation time is nice and relaxing, but the job hunt is stressful.  Sifting through pages of job postings, filling out and endless number of applications, and waiting anxiously for that phone call to come with good news.  I guess it helps that I’m unemployed in Florida and it’s really nice out. (Sorry for the jab to anyone reading this in the great white north)  Here’s a little story from my job search.

The day after being laid off I was out picking up a couple of things and I stopped at Target.  On my way in I saw a sign on the door that said they were hiring, and to apply within.  Thinking it wouldn’t hurt to apply to Target (since 5 years in Minneapolis have solidified my loyalty to them) and see what positions they had available, I walked over to the customer service counter and asked about the sign in the window.  The guy told me that indeed they were hiring and that I could fill out an application on the computer terminal in the corner.  It was a 45 minute requiring all kinds of employment and residency history and a lengthy personality questionnaire.  A week later I received an e-mail telling me that the could not hire me at this time.  I can’t even get hired at Target.

I know there’s a good reason that things are done this way.  It saves paper, saves time, and the HR department doesn’t have all day to sit around and talk with every person that submits an application.  But this is true for seemingly every business these days, not just the big box retailers and fortune 500 companies.  Even smaller companies whose payroll doesn’t extend past a dozen people, require an e-mailed resume or online application to even be considered.  Gone are the days of filling out an application in person and talking with someone on the spot about the position.

Human beings are represented by a one page document stating education and work history along with a list of skills we believe ourselves to have.  That’s the one chance you get to stand out.  For someone like me who hasn’t been out of college for more than two years and has a potpourri of work experience, there’s not a lot to be impressed with so far.  But that’s all I get.  A less-than-one-minute glance at my professional life summarized on one piece of paper amongst hundreds of other pieces of paper. 

I would like to think that I am more than what can be stated on a resume.  You are judged on your technical skills at the tasks that pertain to the particular position you are applying for.  While the technical skills to perform the necessary functions of a job are incredibly important, people are more than interchangeable robots with a certain set of skills.  We have personalities and intangible qualities in addition to the competency to perform the duties assigned to us.  These are the kinds of things that differentiate people in the working world.  That is what makes us more than just bullet points on a piece of paper

The kind of qualities that make someone a good employee are the kind of things you can only determine by shaking their hand and talking with them for 30 minutes.  This is obviously what the purpose of a job interview is, but only a small percentage of applicants make it that far.  If your resume doesn’t stand out, then you never get the chance to show them you are more than just a one dimensional piece of paper. 

Now I understand why things work this way.  Companies would probably love to be able to sit down with every candidate that applied, but there isn’t the time or the resources to do so.  I understand that there are dozens upon dozens of qualified individuals that are capable of holding any number of jobs.  There are probably even people applying for jobs that will be better at that job than I would.   It’s just frustrating for someone like me, who doesn’t yet have the skills and experience that employers are looking for, to have my resume passed over time and time again, and never given the chance to show them I’m more than just a 24 year-old lacking a significant amount of experience in my field.  Instead I’ll most likely be forced into an entry level position making a low hourly wage for a few years until I have a few years of experience under my belt.  Fortunately I’m not buried under student loans as far as some people I know, because a decent salary is needed to even cover the monthly payment on 4 years of student loans. 

I don’t want you to misconstrue this as me whining and complaining about not being able to find a job.  I realize this is the reality of having being a recent college graduate with a communications degree in this economy, and it’s going to take a few years of hard work and struggling at the bottom of the corporate ladder before I make it to a good position.  I can grow from the experience and lucky for you guys, I can use the opportunity to do more blogging. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Life Needs a Soundtrack


I know I speak for a lot of people when I say that music is an important part of my life.  I don’t think I would ever be able to work out if I didn’t have my Ipod.  Imagine driving if you didn’t have anything to listen to?  Sounds really awful doesn’t it?  Try watching sports highlights or a suspenseful movie without a good soundtrack.  Nothing would be anywhere near as exciting without music.

Music is our motivation, our entertainment, and our emotional connection to the scene in front of us.  Poetry can be very moving, but a song elevates those words to another level because of the music accompanying them.  We add music to our lives whenever we can, and like the movies it adds another dimension to the situation we’re in. 

Now imagine your life as a movie, but you live everyday with the sound turned off.  Just think of what things would be like if you had a soundtrack to go along with every event in your life.  You had a little team of people that picked the appropriate songs for the situation you were in and played it at the appropriate time.  Now maybe it’s just me, but would that not be the coolest thing . . . ever? 

Imagine yourself walking down the street to Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”  Don’t tell me you wouldn’t start walking everywhere with a purpose.  (I believe this should be implemented in malls immediately)  I think we could rid this country of obesity if the start of any exercise was accompanied by Eye of the Tiger.  

Seriously, these ideas are pure gold, please tell me this is do-able. 

Without going in to too much detail, I think a lot of marriages could be saved if there was more Barry White or Kenny G in every relationship.  Production at work could be dramatically improved with the appropriate theme music, which would be different for every person, but incredibly effective.  I would also like to propose that the montage be made into a real thing.  I don’t know how it would work in real life but we could montage our way right out of this recession.

Imagine the possibilities that come along with having a soundtrack for your life?  Hear ominous music playing? Uhh ohh you might be in trouble, be on high alert.  Hear some saxophone crooning in the background while on a date, it might be time to make a move.  Although this may create the adverse effect of increased teenage pregnancy . . . hmm maybe it’s not a perfect system.  But I think you’re beginning to see the possibilities here. 

And I’m only scratching the surface.  I’m sure if I went through my Itunes I could come up with a few good songs for almost any situation.  Someday when I create my autobiographical documentary I’ll have the chance to properly set my life to a soundtrack.  It will be wonderful.  If you’ve got an idea for a song/situation post it in the comments section below, and maybe someday I’ll include it in my movie

Now I’m going to go find myself a job! (cue R. Kelly “I Believe I Can Fly)

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Mystery of the Fortune Cookie


The food that we eat has always presented many mysteries.  At least to me. Most people probably don’t think about it, but there are probably some interesting stories about how we discovered some of the different grub we consume.  How many people do you think died before we found the edible kinds of mushrooms?  How was bacon discovered (I think we’re all thankful that it happened no matter how it was discovered)  Who thought that the brown lumpy potatoes in the dirt could be eaten in so many different ways?  See what I mean?  Just consider yourself lucky we didn’t have to be the people to do the trial and error on all this stuff.

One of the foods I’ve always been curious about is the fortune cookie. What’s up with those?  A small mostly tastless yellow cookie folded into some weird shape, that tells us the future and a handful of lucky numbers.  The only other food that has the abbility to tell the future is Taco Bell. Every meal says “you will be visiting the toilet in the near to immediate future”  Sorry that was pretty gross, but for those of you with an elementary  sense of humor (like me), you got a chuckle out of it.  Where does the fortune cookie come from?  Well for everyone that has been bothered by this question, I’ve gone to the liberty of digging up the mystery.  You're welcome.

Mmmmmm lies about the future
History of the Fortune Cookie

Much to my surprise, the fortune cookie does not actually originate in China, despite the fact that it comes with Chinese food. They don’t even serve them in China. They aren’t even a cookie.  It’s kinda like Myspace, nobody is exactly who they say there are.  All these years this Chinese fortune cookie has been masquerading as all kinds of things it’s not. It’s not Chinese. It’s not a cookie. And I don’t think anyone has ever gotten an accurate fortune out of one of those things. BUT several people have reportedly won the lottery based on their fortune cookie numbers. (At least that’s what the internet tells me)

So let’s figure out what exactly this crispy little imposter is.  The origin is a little fuzzy but scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago . . . stay classy San Diego.  Sorry, that’s kind of a habit.  The fortune cookie is claimed to have been popularized by Chinese immigrants in California in the early 20th century.  They based their recipe on a Japanese cracker that is similar, but is a little larger and made with different ingredients.  The fortunes themselves may come from the Japanese temple tradition of handing out random fortunes, which is called omikuji.  Here are several different stories; about how the fortune cookie was created, so you can read them and pick your favorite.

The Evolution of the Fortune

The fortune cookie became a staple in Chinese restaurants following WWII and the evolution of the fortune began.  The early fortunes were often times biblical sayings and pieces of great wisdom from wise men like Confucius or Ben Franklin. Over time they began to include smiley faces, lottery numbers, jokes, Chinese language lessons and general bogus predictions of the future.  Most of the fortunes are non-sense and in my experience, inaccurate.  Getting an accurate fortune is like asking a magic 8 ball for advice. It’s probably just coincidence if it’s right, but it usually isn’t.  Which is a great segue into the main reason for my writing this post . . .

If I made fortune cookies . . .

Fortune cookies have been used for various reasons over the years other than just spreading wisdom and predicting the future. They have been used in political campaigns and customized for birthdays or weddings.  But generally, when you order Chinese, your fortune cookie will not tell you anything to get excited about.  If I were making fortune cookies, I’d give people some subtle but very realistic fortunes that would have a pretty good chance of coming true, and freaking someone out.  Get a few fortunes in a row that come true, and you’ll have some true believers. I’ll provide a few examples for your reading pleasure

  • You will be moving slower than usual tomorrow morning. Find ways to appear more productive at work that you actually are. (These would be distributed on Sundays and Mondays for the early week doldrums)
  • You will make several bad decisions soon that will have very little impact on your quality of life. But they will make you feel really dumb.
  • You’ll bump in to someone soon that looks oddly familiar. You don’t actually know them, so don’t fret over it. (When this happens it usually bugs people like crazy, so this will help relieve that stress)
  • You will find trying something new is fun and exciting, but you’re not going to be very good at it. Ever.
  • You will get some really annoying song stuck in your head. When this happens listen to Michael Jackson instead. He’s really great.  RIP MJ.

Now what amazes me is that Chinese restaurants haven’t started using the fortune cookie as a way to increase business. It’s a brilliant marketing strategy. Put some coupons in the form of fortunes in the cookies!

  • Two Thursdays from now you will enjoy a meal at Generic Chinese Restaurant at 25% off! It will be very satisfying.
  • The third Saturday of the month you will use a buy-one-get-one-entrĂ©e-free at Generic Chinese Restaurant. You have a very hungry friend that enjoys orange chicken.
  • This fortune will magically become a free side at Generic Chinese Restaurant. You will choose fried rice.

If you own a Chinese restaurant feel free to contact me for my services. I’ll work for sweet & sour chicken.  Also, if you have some great ideas for fortunes like the ones above, leave them in the comments below.

As always, thanks for reading folks.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

When life gives you lemons, write about it on the internet


Yes, I finally created that blog I was talking about

So for anyone that knows me personally you’ve probably seen me yapping on Facebook and Twitter about starting a blog and writing stuff for a blog, but it never happened.  I talked about it months ago and I never actually did it.  Well, I did actually start writing blog posts, but I thought they were all pretty terrible so I stopped.  So you may be wondering what finally gave me that swift kick in the pants to just DO it.  Well it all began with some pretty awful news . . .

“I’m really sorry guys, but the company is really struggling right now, and we, well we’re going to have to let you guys go.”

Yup. I was laid off. 

January 18th of 2012 I was relieved of my duties as content writer for Company X. I don’t like burning bridges so I won’t put the name of my former employer on here, but a little digging on my Facebook or LinkedIn page you can find out if you’re really interested.

So that was the swift kick. Showing up for work one day, going about business as usual, and then suddenly becoming an unemployed 24 year old without any leads or even a head start on finding future employment.  Yeah, not exactly the motivation I was looking for to start writing a blog, but hell, I guess I needed to find it somehow.

When life gives you lemons, write about it on the internet.

So now I suddenly have all kinds of free time.  I’ve been able to sleep in, work out, do lots and lots of job searching, and start a blog.  Oh yeah, and worry about where my life is going.  I’ve been doing lots of that.  And it scares the living hell out of me.  But I’m trying to be positive, and besides, I don’t need to trouble all of you with my sob story.

So that brings me back to writing this blog.  I have had the time to sit down, figure this blogging thing out, and most importantly, I had great material for my first blog post. This writing thing has been a great stress reliever and has given me some time for some introspection and self assessment.  I’ve always enjoyed creative writing and sharing my thoughts and opinions with people, however goofy they may be, and now I have that medium.  Anyone that’s been part of my fantasy football leagues can attest to that.   It’s been very liberating being able to share my not-so-fun story of being laid off and finding a reason to write.  I know I have plenty of strange thoughts to share, and now that I’ve broken the proverbial blogging seal, the ideas will hopefully start flowing freely.

Maybe nobody will like what I write, or find anything interesting, funny, or thought provoking, but it’s fun for me.  Maybe everyone that reads it will find it boring.  Maybe a handful of people will actually read my blog and enjoy it.  Maybe everyone will enjoy my material and I’ll turn this blog into a full time job, a future book deal, and my 15 minutes of fame.  Not Likely, but the internet does offer that possibility.  No matter what happens, for the time being I have an outlet to help get me through this time of unemployment, and maybe even help me get out of it. 

So I’ll continue to write, hopefully you’ll continue to read, and I’ll find a job soon. Keep your fingers crossed.